Imaginary Sorrow

"I love you!" Those first words you uttered to me when I came to be. The way you smiled just at me. The way only you could really interact with me. It made my life have purpose. You were my world. My everything. I promised to never leave your side. You promised the same to me. And I loved you.

A year went by. Again, you told me you loved me. Oh, how those words lifted my spirits and made me grin. You laughed whenever I grinned like that, and your parents smiled too. They liked me. Approved of me. I made your world colorful. And I loved you.

Another year. Your parents don't seem to like me as much. They dismiss the topic of me whenever you bring me up to them. Are they bored of me? Well..that doesn't really matter to me right now. It doesn't. I tell you so. You say those sweet words to me, and say I'll always matter to you. Another game? Sure! You always loved to play! And I loved you.

Yet another year. Your parents don't want me around anymore. They told you to get rid of me. I cried and cried in the corner. I wouldn't come out, but you sat with me. You never left my side. I reminded you of your promise. You nodded and smiled at me, you reassured me.
You gave me hope then, and you hugged me for hours. And I loved you.

How many years this time? I sit with you while you work on homework. I swing my legs, and watch you as your pencil scratches away at the dull paper. I pipe up, ask if you want to play a game. You wave a hand impatiently in my direction. I get it. It's okay. You're busy. You're busy. A couple of hours go by. I speak again, and remind you of your promise, as anxiety pulls at my heart. You look up then, and smile and nod again. Though your smile looks tight. I talk again, and you get short with me. You snap and tell me to go off on my own for a little while, so you can finish. You yelled at me. And I loved you.

Two years maybe now. I am losing track. I'm usually in the corner now. You've gotten so big. I talk to you again, and you grunt in reply as you play your video games. So far, all you've been doing is video gaming and talking with your friends on the phone. Don't I matter to you? You love me don't you? I ask you. You pause and wipe your face before replying that you did, but you were stressed, and want to play. I ask if you want to play with me. You pushed me away. And I loved you.

I definitely lost track. Today, you brought home a girl. I asked you who she was, but you totally ignored me. I stepped inbetween you two, and it was like I didn't even exist. I asked her who she was, and what business she had here, but she didn't acknowledge me either. I yelled, asking if I wasn't enough for you. You didn't answer me. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there. Watching in horror as you ignored me. And I loved you.

I'm in the closet now. Alone. You never talk to me anymore. You never open the closet to see me anymore. You push past me as if I don't exist anymore. Didn't you love me? Didn't you say that you would always be there for me? Wasn't I enough? Did I bore you? You always seemed so happy before. The years have gone by. Your room is full of boxes. The walls are bare. The closet is completely empty. Except for me. I peer out of the door. Your mother hugs you, and she is weeping. What is going on? Are you leaving? I burst out of the closet and grab at you, demanding to know where you were going.

You didn't even feel me, did you? You forgot about me. You did. You said you never would, but you did. I don't really think you realized that I even disappeared. It was like I was never part of your childhood. But I'll always be here, waiting for when you come back. I'll always be in your life.. waiting.. hoping that someday, you will remember. And you will turn and see me, and say my name. The one you gave me so long ago.

And I will always love you.